THEORY
1. This graph is applicable to friendship and romantic relationship, for both men and women.
This graph is a general relationship graph used to measure the depth of friendship and the possibility of romantic relationship. It is applicable to both men and women (of any sexual orientation).
2. Platonic relationship is possible.
This graph is created based on the belief that men and women can be good friends. Sexual tension may exist as one progress up the graph. When it happens, a friendship is not threatened; it can either be controlled or converted into romantic relationship.
3. Romantic relationship starts from solid friendship.
Friendship is sacred and romantic relationship starts from solid friendship. Sapiosexuals find it offensive when someone who shows romantic interest refuses to be ‘friendzoned’ and wants to immediately move into a romantic relationship without first seducing their mind and senses (by talking to them and doing platonic activities together).
4. Friends are not friendzoned; they merely move zones.
Friends can move zones. Given enough mental stimulation and sensory stimulation (both will require effort and time), friends can climb their way up to be good friends, best friend, and eventually dating potential.
5. Crossing zones is not dangerous.
Crossing zones is not dangerous. Every zone is a safe zone, just with different intensity. Unlike the Ladder Theory, when a romantic relationship does not work out, one does not fall into the abyss and treated as though one does not exist.
6. Relationship is not stagnant; it flourishes or diminishes according to effort and time one invests.
Relationship is dynamic; someone moves around the chart according to how much or how little mental and sensory stimulation is exchanged.
7. It is possible and not unnatural to be friends with your ex.
Crossing zones is not just safe, but natural. While friends can turn into lovers, lovers can also return to be friends (perhaps barring bad breakups that involves a breach of trust or violence). Having formed such deep friendship before romance, it is more unnatural to not be amicable.
8. Why physical attractiveness or intelligence alone is not enough.
Good looks is a part of sensory stimulation. While it can improve one’s standing on the y axis, good looks without good conversation will never be enough for deeper relationship. Likewise, deep conversation with a person without regular physical interaction will not bring the relationship to another level.
9. The same pair may be in different positions.
The same pair may be in different positions. Eg You may categorise X as ‘best friend’. However, X may consider you as ‘good friend’.
DEFINITIONS
Sapiosexual – ‘One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature; behaviour of becoming attracted to or aroused by intelligence and its use.’ (Collin’s Dictionary)
Mental stimulation – Conversation that stimulates the mind. Instead of small talk or pleasantries, mental stimulation requires the exchange of thoughts and ideas. People who are high on the mental stimulation axis (X) are able to engage in a deep conversation on various topics. They are able to entertain your thoughts without accepting it. They may even challenge or change your views. Conversation turns into endless witty banter infused with jokes, word play, quotes, and sarcasm.
Sensory stimulation – Physical activities that stimulates the five senses: sight, touch, smell, hearing, and taste. It is seeing each other face-to-face and doing physical activities together. People who are high on the sensory stimulation axis (Y) are those you dine, drink, dance, sing, hike, or do other sensory activities with.
Mental threshold – The line one must cross before a person becomes interesting to talk to.
Sensory threshold – The line one must cross before a person becomes fun to be with.
Mental Mate – Someone who you are consistently able to exchange thoughts and ideas with.
Mental Soulmate – Someone who gives you intellectual high. You get intoxicated from talking to them and want the conversation to never stop…
Playmate – Someone who you enjoy doing physical activities with.
Play Soulmate – Someone who switches off your brain. You forget about yourself and all your worries. Instead, you are immerse in the present and is acutely aware of every sensation e.g the sight of his face, the sound of his voice, the smell of his perfume…
Awkward – Happens when a person is high on one axis/aspect and low on the other. E.g someone who knows your deepest thoughts who you don’t hang out with or someone who you do extreme physical activities with but cannot hold a conversation with. This grey zone is an anomaly.
Dating potential – The zone where chemistry is formed due to the abundance of mental and sensory stimulation. Having other factors satisfied, (e.g values, direction in life, physical attraction, sexual preference, emotional availability, timing, etc.) a person who falls into this zone is one you could date and marry.
HOW TO APPLY THE THEORY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Think of 5 people that you like or interact most with. Put them in the graph. Then ask or figure out where the other party positions you on the graph. You may realise the potential of that friendship.